I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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