let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
