My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
