you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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