whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
