it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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