Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
