Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
