Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
