Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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