I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
