she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
