if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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