considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My liver just had a heart attack.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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