puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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