There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
