rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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