the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
