When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
