Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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