I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
