He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
