Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
