i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
