I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
