Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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