I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
