He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
