i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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