your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
