Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
