took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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