wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
