Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
