He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
