i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
