I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
