A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Girls should come with a carfax report
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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