We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
