he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
