Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
