Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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