her vagine was all disorganized.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
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How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
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That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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