My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
