I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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