I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
