I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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