chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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