I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Say something about gay babies.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
