Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
