Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
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I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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