I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
