You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
