my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
