Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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