My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We just shotgunned beers for America
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
