I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
