i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
