It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
